The Heart of the Matter
Posted by: Cléa in Life, tags: cbmused, cultural influence, first time, strict upbringing, thirty-something virgin, virginity
“Can you tell by looking at me that, you know… I’ve never had a boyfriend?”
Her question took me by surprise, more so than it had confirmed my suspicions. Was it etched on her forehead that she was a thirty-something virgin?
I decided to probe gently, as such confessions are extremely delicate. But she easily professed that she has not ‘done anything’, which I understood that it also precluded a kiss. With strict parental upbringing and a culture than condones promiscuity [sic] as much as spinsterhood [sic], Anna is at odds with herself.
Although she is an intelligent and independent woman in a high income bracket, her loyalty to her parents is unwavering, even when relatives and coupled friends set her up with living-at-home middle-aged men who are keen to replace their mothers by a wife, then have the decency to belittle her judgement and call her choosy.
Anna has tried meeting these men on more than one occasion. There was no chemistry, no connection and no intellectual rapport. Dare I say, they sounded like losers. I have tried to offer alternate suggestions to the white wedding, various avenues for dating, going out more frequently with single girlfriends, even a holiday fling.
“But when would I tell him? And how would I tell him…” her voice wavered and my brain went into overdrive thinking up of ways to tell a man she’s still a virgin.
It seems wherever she turns, obstacles prevent her from what she craves in a ‘normal’ life; the biggest one of all, is stepping out of her comfort zone.
The person on the exterior may be a professional dealing with tough business situations yet the woman at heart is a delicate flower, with the emotional maturity of an early teenager.
And that is the heart of the matter.
