CBMused

My views have always been black and white. When you make a commitment to one person, whether it is in the eyes of the law, the church, family and friends, or privately to one another, you give up on any right to have sexual relations with another person. Infidelity did not come in shades in grey. To put it simply, if you have sex with someone other than your partner, you’re cheating on them and the relationship you’ve established together.

I have held on firmly to this belief most of my life, until a couple of confidences shook the foundations a little and left me pondering ‘how and why I reacted to their circumstances.

When Shane told me that he was contemplating ‘sex on the side’, something inside me shrivelled. I didn’t want to believe it. I have always had the utmost respect and affection for him. Shane has been married for a few years to the beautiful and capricious Natalie, yet their sex life is practically non-existent. He loves her deeply, but the only time she shows any interest in him physically, is when she is trying to have a child, and is known for using sex as a weapon. She has underlying problems but her refusal to acknowledge them or seek help leaves him no choice but to put up with it for the rest of his life. He has even contemplated the thought of getting Natalie’s consent, were to he to look elsewhere for sex but I know she would find it heartbreaking.

Megan’s story was different. Her long-time partner suffered an illness which due to the residual brain damage, left him with an altered personality. And while this has affected their relationship to the point where at times, he’s no longer the person he was, he has also lost interest in sex. Life has been difficult for both of them. She is unhappy with her life in general, and has confided in me that she is contemplating the thought of casual sex, again with no emotional attachment.

Both stories made me reconsider my black and white beliefs for a few confusing moments, yet I still hold onto them strongly. But more so, my reaction to each case has come as a surprise. I felt strongly against Shane straying from his marriage yet I was a little more open-minded in Megan’s case. Did I believe Shaun’s situation can be improved while Megan’s case held less hope? Maybe.

And it left me contemplating the serious and often controversial topic of infidelity.

What causes people to stray? If certain needs (not limited to sexual needs) are not met, does it lend itself to reason? Can infidelity ever be justified? Are there situations, such as the ones above, that make it more acceptable? Is it still considered to be cheating if it is done with the consent of the partner? Your opinion…