If you go looking for a greeting card, you’re bombarded with dizzying alleys offering a vast array of choice, but a quick peruse reveals that choosing a card raises the stereotypical ugly head.

Clearly political correctness has not yet hit the likes of Hall-Makers. Age birthdays up to 10 are about the kiddie merchandise du jour. Teen cards are boring, until you hit 18, as if it means anything these days, and 21, where you are given a key. To what, may I ask. Boyfriends get sexy girl pictures and promised of bjs. Girlfriends get shoes and pretty dresses. Husbands still fare badly with cards about boats and dogs. Wives get pastel flowers and cups of tea.

Time to raise the bar and create the following cards:

So Sorry for Your Loss – A sympathy card for your mid-20s life crisis instead of happy 21st birthday.

Congrats on being Under the Thumb – Instead of a wedding card when you can’t stand his wife.

Welcome to Sleepless Nights – in lieu of new (sic) baby cards. And have you ever known an ‘old’ baby?!

Congratulations on your Botox/Fake Boobs/Pec Implants – instead of Happy 30th Birthday or Over the Hill

For My Best Mate – a friendship cards celebrating mateship with Viagra and Cialis

I Promise More Sex – from a husband to his wife, and vice versa, instead of a painting, dull flowers or a boat.

Thank You for telling us You’ve got a Small Dick – for he buys himself a Harley at 40+ or a sporty BMW bike.

Congratulations on your Toy Boy – instead of Happy 50th or welcome to the menopause club card.

Happy Birthday Metro Guy – instead of birthday cards with horses, bottles of wine, sailing and dogs.

A musical card with ‘Another Bites the Dust’ or ‘Who Wants to Live For Ever’- instead of a bland sympathy card.

Isn’t it time greeting cards caught up with life?