Hark the Vodka Angels Sing

Every year, I have to attend a dinner with a group of people I have nothing in common with. Every year, they send an invitation with a dress code: Ladies – formal. Guys – smart casual
Because the men can’t be half-arsed dressing up. Then they get the women to compete for the best dressed title.

Don we now our gay apparel
Fa la la…

Their boring conversations, 99% of which revolve around their children, put me to sleep, and when they get competitive about their kids’ achievements, there isn’t enough Vodka to make the evening pass quickly.

Do You Hear What I Hear?
And when their idea of humour is to tell their kids’ jokes to a table of adults over a formal dinner…

Here comes Mr Absolut!
Here comes Mr Absolut!
Right down Absolut Lane!

Deck the halls with boughs of Vodka

Every year, four friends take turns at hosting a Christmas lunch. And it ends up a fabulous event of food, drink and laughter. This year, we’ve decided to forego exchanging gifts and put the emphasis on celebrating our friendship. Starting with Vodka Martinis.
Because good friends like that rock.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock

* * *

I’ll be home for Christmas…

Every year, they say ‘we must get together after Christmas Day’, and we used to, sharing generous left-overs over a good drop of red and exchanging a small gift. Last year they offered the same, then made excuses and altered plans without saying a word. Because they got a better offer elsewhere. Which became a pattern all this year. I still have their gift wrapped up. I will open it and symbolically burn those candles at home.
Because that is one lost friendship that even the spirit of Vodka can’t bring back.

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Thy candles shine out brightly.

* * *

Pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

“No, but thank you” 

…what I said to the chatty older guy who asked me to join him for a drink, as I was dusting the sand off my feet after a couple of hours at the beach. Before I put on my iPod and walked away, singing all the way home…

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!

“No, but thank you”

…what I said to the homeless dude at the bus stop after he complimented my hair and asked me what I do to make it look so good. Repeatedly. Then asked, “Would you like to meet again? Yeah? Yeah?”

Fa la la lala lala la la…

* * *

 
 
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight drowned!
* Absolut images are not my own