CBMused

No, I am not referring to a vacuous TV show that drew in millions of viewers. Throughout my adult life I have come to realise that I have been blessed with Big Brothers, older and younger men who have taken on an unforgettable role through their own volition.

The first time I encountered a Big Brother, I was in my first year of university. BB 1 was in my year, and since I was a non-drinker, he insisted I remained ‘pure’ by ensuring our group’s get-togethers did not include rowdy pubs and dingy drinking holes. “Can’t spoil Cléa by taking her to a local pub!”

The second BB incident was a little more serious. In my final year of university, I took on three part time jobs to support my full-time study. One of my jobs was in research, and the place I worked was an eye candy heaven, with male graduates two to four years older than me strutting their stuff. Most were attractive in one way or another and a very interesting and down to earth young men. One of the senior researchers had a reputation with women; they literally fell at his feet. Many used him to gain employment in that coveted field in exchange for given pleasures.

He asked me to work late one evening as the team had a deadline to meet. As a poor university student, I needed the money, yet I was a little nervous that I was going to be in the company of Casanova, with barely anyone else around. I reluctantly told BB 2, one of the researchers I worked for, and after he coached me in ways to handle him in case he tried anything, he wished me well and left for the day. An hour or so later, BB 2 returned to the centre and sat at his desk working. And he stayed the whole evening until it was time for me to leave. When I asked him why he came back, he just mumbled that he had something to do.

A year later, as a new graduate in the workforce, I worked with a flamboyant BB 3. He introduced me to his best mate, Tony, who like me at the time, had just broken up with someone. He suggested we all go out, and we did socialise as a group on many occasions. “Cléa, whatever you do, don’t sleep with Tony,” was the stern advice BB3 gave me. “He’s a one minute wonder!” When I quizzed him to the knowledge, he was more than happy to oblige with details I didn’t need to know. Considering we all worked in the same profession, I could never look at Tony without BB 3’s one minute visuals.

These Big Brother experiences may have had something to do with my youth or naivety at the time but I have come across more Big Brothers later in life. BB 4 was four years my junior, and unknown to me at the time, had taken an inordinate interest in my personal and professional interests. He became my mentor, a trusted advisor, which led to becoming a best friend. His protective and caring attitude towards me was no different to the other BB before him.

All these Big Brothers shared commonalities. They were all in happy relationships. They had no romantic/sexual interest in me and they willingly and openly looked after my best interest without being asked. I always look back with fond memories of them.

Recently I have come to question, what causes the Big Brother phenomenon in men? What drives a man who clearly has no romantic interest in a woman to act protectively towards her and hold her best interests at heart? And what kinds of women attract Big Brothers? If my initial theory pointed towards inexperience and naivety, the BB 4 experience has refuted it.

By the above definitions, if you’re a man, have you been a Big Brother to someone? And if you’re a woman, have you experienced the Big Brother phenomenon, and what has been the trigger in either instance?

Your opinions… as always.