CBMused

When relationships break down, time is given to get over the initial shock before the healing process begins. But what of friendships? What happens when the person who has been your best friend for decades, the one you had often referred to as a sister, the one you thought you could confide in and share your most intimate troubles, turns around and kicks you in the shins when you’re wobbling on the edge of life?

Friendships are cherished entities and ones that I do not take lightly. In essence, they are akin to relationships, you give and take, and work through the ups and downs, much like a marriage, or a partnership or a commitment but without the fanfare or the piece of paper that binds you together. Then one day you wake up to the facts, you feel calm, numb, but with a clear head, and you un-best your best friend.

I have made repeated allowances for her circumstances. For a period of over three years, she has not been the same person. She has created major issues for people, tormented her husband and developed abnormal behaviour that could be called unhealthy, obsessive, coupled with eating disorders and a lack of rational thought at times that echo with desperate cries of attention, but all in the wrong place.

I accept that everyone goes through a phase in their lives where everything seems to change dramatically. A life crisis is no longer limited to mid-life or later, and can occur at any age. Granted, I have made many allowances over time when it came to her relationship with me. I expecting the phase to be over by now, but it has become progressively worse to the point that her company has become a little painful.

The point that I last took issue with, the one that made me wake up and deliver the coup de grace to the best friend status, occurred not so long ago. I alluded to it here in #6. I was at a very low point and realising the state of mind I was in, I pushed myself to talk about it, struggling with tears streaming down and the inability to complete a sentence. The way she responded left me shocked at the knife stab. Later, when I came to my senses after the wound had gushed, I realised what had happened . I came home feeling defeated and deflated. Who can you trust in your low moments if you can’t trust your best friend?

Later, when the shock had subsided and the fog had lifted, I saw the reality that had been obscured over the last few years.

I no longer have a best friend.