A female innocently wraps her arm around a male’s waist, slides her hand down a few inches over his jeans and gives him a tap on the posterior, or a tiny press on the buns. The male, in a gesture of familiarity, strokes the rounded cheeks of the female’s behind and performs a big squeeze. The public arse grab, or ass grab (for a different sound effect), has become as ubiquitous as hand holding.

While it can be argued that it is nothing but another form of public display of affection, or part of a mating ritual, I maintain that the nonchalance involved in grabbing a partner’s arse is no different to an animal marking its territory. While it appears to be performed as an act of affection or intimacy, it sends a subliminal message to others that the person, or rather their bum, belongs to no other than the hand that grabs it.

Yesterday at an upmarket furniture store, I saw the ultimate arse grab. The ass grabber, a 6 foot 2 species of the attractive-yet-too-cocky variety, ensured his voice carried through the vast space of the showroom as he gave his tall, skinny, tanned, short-shorts clad species of the blonde-female variety his advice on how to rearrange her bedroom. Once he got the public attention he so obviously sought, he lightly brushed the unsuspecting female’s lower back with his splayed fingers. He then slid his hand to fully cup her tiny arse before he slid them lower and further in between her legs. While the ass grabee was unfazed by his wandering digits, this humble scribe’s aww…eww scale hit the wtf rating. She took mental notes. Naturally.

With no limits imposed on where hands can roam in public, humans are returning to their animal foundations. Next we will turn a public blind eye to a boob fondle, a nipple squeeze, a bulge grope, a long and steady stroke, and end up having sex in public as we mark our territories around shopping centres.

If we believe arse grabbing is merely a gesture of affection or intimacy, maybe we should ask ourselves how much affection one can have for an arse.