CléaIf you go looking for a greeting card, you’re bombarded with dizzying alleys offering a vast array of choice, but a quick peruse reveals that choosing a card raises the stereotypical ugly head.
Clearly political correctness has not yet hit the likes of Hall-Makers. Age birthdays up to 10 are about the kiddie merchandise du jour. Teen cards are boring, until you hit 18, as if it means anything these days, and 21, where you are given a key. To what, may I ask. Boyfriends get sexy girl pictures and promised of bjs. Girlfriends get shoes and pretty dresses. Husbands still fare badly with cards about boats and dogs. Wives get pastel flowers and cups of tea.
Time to raise the bar and create the following cards:
So Sorry for Your Loss – A sympathy card for your mid-20s life crisis instead of happy 21st birthday.
Congrats on being Under the Thumb – Instead of a wedding card when you can’t stand his wife.
Welcome to Sleepless Nights – in lieu of new (sic) baby cards. And have you ever known an ‘old’ baby?!
Congratulations on your Botox/Fake Boobs/Pec Implants – instead of Happy 30th Birthday or Over the Hill
For My Best Mate – a friendship cards celebrating mateship with Viagra and Cialis
I Promise More Sex – from a husband to his wife, and vice versa, instead of a painting, dull flowers or a boat.
Thank You for telling us You’ve got a Small Dick – for he buys himself a Harley at 40+ or a sporty BMW bike.
Congratulations on your Toy Boy – instead of Happy 50th or welcome to the menopause club card.
Happy Birthday Metro Guy – instead of birthday cards with horses, bottles of wine, sailing and dogs.
A musical card with ‘Another Bites the Dust’ or ‘Who Wants to Live For Ever’- instead of a bland sympathy card.
Isn’t it time greeting cards caught up with life?
Tags: cbmused, greeting cards
I think you have an excellent business model here. Let me know if I can help you launch.
Additionally, have you been to “someecards”.com ? They have some pretty good ones that are in line with your thinking.
There is cynicism for you.
But the most realistic thing about life is giving people the hope that something good will happen, then dash them expectantly after they blow out the candles.
I’ll just stick to reminding everyone that they are forever 21. Never growing old, always growing up.
The best card I ever got was for my sister, and on the outside was a rising sun and the text “On your birthday, a message from God”
On the inside it said, “See you soon.”
GSR: Deal. I want that hour back that I wasted today looking for an appropriate card.
I like’someecards. Unfortunately, the person I am buying for does not spend much time online. Shock. Horror. I know.
Kami: It’s a waste of $$. I’d rather spend more on the present than 7 to 10 bucks on a card!
Mahd: Haha… love it! And just the thing between siblings!
These are making me laugh hysterically. I think I’ll be getting the “I Promise More Sex” one for my husband for Father’s Day…I’ve been a bit stingy lately.
“Secretary’s Day” and “Boss’ Day” have just got to go…unless they come up with one that says, “Thanks for thwarting my every effort at progress at every turn and being an obstinate bitch…and hey I never thought it was possible but your ass is even fatter this year…”
SM: With that one, just make sure what goes around comes around…
Zen: How about “Happy Brown Nose Day” instead. I can think of a few worthy recipients!
I agree with GSR Cléa… I really think you might be onto something here! Might I add the “We never thought you were gay” card, “Congratulations on your sideways promotion” card, and the “40 years… then death” card. The last one should play the TISM song “40 years… then death” when you open it, and inside quote the chorus: “forty years of livin’ then death… that’s all that’s left…. forty years then death…. forty years that’s all that’s left”.
Gboy: I think you, GSR and I should get into business. We’ve got the ideas person, the musical marketing, and the strategic thinker. I swear I get that frustrated every time I buy a card. As if some fake sentiments will tell how I feel about the person.
I like the sideways promotion. Particuarly if given with advance knowledge, before it occurs. Yes, I can be evil