1. When you receive a brief email from a friend asking how you are, ignore it. The fact that they’re concerned about you and they thought of you can only mean they’re the kind of people you shouldn’t be bothered with.

2. When in the middle of an email conversation that’s to’ing and fro’ing with an exchange, stop suddenly and leave the person at the other end wondering if you’re still logged on or gone to run through the woods naked.

3. When you receive a text messages from people wishing you a Happy Easter/Birthday/Something, or showing concern about your unemployment situation, make sure you don’t reply to them. They’re clearly not worthy of your 25 cents.

4. When you use Skype, MSN or any IM on a regular basis, make sure you always ignore someone and never say hello. It’s within your right to do so. It is particularly encouraged if it follows from rule #1.

5. When you’re sent a link to an interesting article that is of interest to you, never acknowledge it or let the sender know that you’ve received it let alone appreciated it.

6. When you use Facebook, never ever make contact with the person after you have sent them that initial friend request which they’ve approved. The fact that they’re a close friend or relative bears no relation, if you pardon the pun.

7. When you’re catching up with a work associate over a coffee, at their instigation, and they’ve asked you to confirm it with them at 2 pm, and you do, don’t be surprised when they inform you that their plans had altered as at 9 am that morning. After all, Modern eManners only applies when they want something from you.

8. When someone instigates communication with you after a notable absence, and they don’t say anything about the latest heartbreaking news you sent them, you’re better off ignoring it. If you happen to ask if they had seen that email, they will utterly deny receiving it and blame its disappearance on their spam folder, which incidentally and magically did not spam your latest email about a social gathering.

Remember, the most important person on the planet is YOU. If you have a sudden lapse in memory, remember to resort to the lamest best excuse of this century: I’m busy.