Cléa
Hark the Vodka Angels Sing
Every year, I have to attend a dinner with a group of people I have nothing in common with. Every year, they send an invitation with a dress code: Ladies – formal. Guys – smart casual
Because the men can’t be half-arsed dressing up. Then they get the women to compete for the best dressed title.
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa la la…
Their boring conversations, 99% of which revolve around their children, put me to sleep, and when they get competitive about their kids’ achievements, there isn’t enough Vodka to make the evening pass quickly.
Do You Hear What I Hear?
And when their idea of humour is to tell their kids’ jokes to a table of adults over a formal dinner…
Here comes Mr Absolut!
Here comes Mr Absolut!
Right down Absolut Lane!
Deck the halls with boughs of Vodka
Every year, four friends take turns at hosting a Christmas lunch. And it ends up a fabulous event of food, drink and laughter. This year, we’ve decided to forego exchanging gifts and put the emphasis on celebrating our friendship. Starting with Vodka Martinis.
Because good friends like that rock.
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
* * *
I’ll be home for Christmas…
Every year, they say ‘we must get together after Christmas Day’, and we used to, sharing generous left-overs over a good drop of red and exchanging a small gift. Last year they offered the same, then made excuses and altered plans without saying a word. Because they got a better offer elsewhere. Which became a pattern all this year. I still have their gift wrapped up. I will open it and symbolically burn those candles at home.
Because that is one lost friendship that even the spirit of Vodka can’t bring back.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
Thy candles shine out brightly.
* * *
Pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,
“No, but thank you”
…what I said to the chatty older guy who asked me to join him for a drink, as I was dusting the sand off my feet after a couple of hours at the beach. Before I put on my iPod and walked away, singing all the way home…
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!
“No, but thank you”
…what I said to the homeless dude at the bus stop after he complimented my hair and asked me what I do to make it look so good. Repeatedly. Then asked, “Would you like to meet again? Yeah? Yeah?”
Fa la la lala lala la la…
* * *
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight drowned!
* Absolut images are not my own
Ooooh – now that sounds like a Christmas I can get on board with. Just remember to mix in some food with those drinks so that you don’t end up passed out underneath the tree.
Unrelated question: What happened to the snow and the baubles that I saw yesterday?
Any time I see a dress code that says “smart casual” for men and formal for women, I make a point to show up turned out like it’s a goddamned garden party for the Queen of some medium important country. Because a) don’t tell me how to fucking dress and b) I don’t think it’s fair for women to have to take the brunt of horseshit dog and pony shows.
I have noticed that if you can pull off a buzzcut and broken nose in casual clothing, you can really rock it in a suit. Or maybe that’s just my own delusion.
GSR: Oh yes! I’m counting on the food just as much as the Absolut. Exercise and diet can come later.
The snow was still there. It stops after 30 seconds. I was still trying to fix the baubles so I removed them. They’re back now. You like the snow on my beach?
Casey: Some men not only rock in a suit but turn heads so much you’d look twice just to make sure it’s them. It’s in the how they wear the suit.
I hate the double standards that we have to be dolled to the 9s, freeze in skimpy fabrics and balance drinks on high heels, while the men look like dags, too comfortable in what they wear. As for having their women compete for best dressed, ugh… I don’t want to be a prized arm candy.
I just got home from lunch and pedicures with 4 of my lady friends (I skipped the Absolut and stuck with water). For the past two years, we have forgone presents and gotten together for pampering of some kind, to treat ourselves and enjoy our friendship! I think it’s great, we can give gifts for birthdays instead. I feel very lucky to have wonderful friends in my life! Merry Christmas!
The last time I drank vodka, I blacked out in my friends car on the way home and didn’t regain a conscious memory until I rolled down her window and threw up as she was driving. I vowed never to drink it again. But OMG, if I had to endure that first Christmas dinner you wrote about, I would be downing that liquid devil by the bucketful…
And the dinner with your friends? Love it. I had my get together with my closest girlfriends on Saturday…it was a pretty good time, although some realizations hit me at the end of the day. Bittersweet.
What exactly is “smart casual”?
I mean I know it’s not a graduation cap and tassel–that would be smart but formal.
I guess I should Google it.
Mrs Mahd: What a lovely gift to share with friends. Just had a pedi myself, and I thought of you with your friends
Merry Christmas to you and Mahd
SM: Oh no! I never drink to the point of excess anymore. I can’t. I fall asleep beforehand. But yes, with that group, I dispensed with the wine and went for the Vodka.
Hmm… I hope they were more sweet than bitter. Good friendships are worth the keep.
Zen: Honestly, it means “I can’t be arsed dressing up” ie, anything above jeans and sneakers. In other words, nothing “smart” about it.
It’s a Christmas to be remembered (sketchily remembered, but remembered all the same).
Odd how the holidays can be exciting and dreadful all at once. At least we have our drink of choice. Cheers!
This post is hilarious … first, I love your new background and falling snowflakes … look at you getting all festive with the blog!
My new best friends are vodka and tonic. They compliment eachother nicely, but more importantly, they compliment my need for them to act like a sedative.
Don’t you love when all your friends have babies and that is all they talk about? I love it. I love that in order for me to still be involved in the conversation, I need to pull out anecdotal evidence from my nieces and nephews.
I Googled it and I seem to recall it is slacks (not jeans) with a sport coat that does not match the slacks–because you are too elitist and academic to do anything as “corporate” as having your coat match your pants.
(Forget that a sport coat is usually more expensive than a two-piece suit combined…)
PS–I think a lot of confusion stems from the fact that when what we now call a “suit” was invented, it was called, “a lounge suit.”
So in a way a suit was originally “casual.”
A man wearing a suit is now called, “Informal.”
One popular trap I have noticed is when an invitation says, “Black tie optional,” it really means, “Wear a black tie unless you are such a schmuck you believe we really MEANT ‘optional.’”
If the dudes in charge weren’t going to wear black ties, in other words, why would they put that on the invitation? But you are supposed to be “hip” enough to figure that out.
A hundred years ago I had the pleasure to expirience a christmas time in Australia. It was fun – but so much different from the feeling at home.
Maybe it’s because on the other side of the world. Here, we just had the shortest day of the year. The sun stands still, it’s cold and dark outside. Much easier to be quite, reflect and sit close together with friends and family. Kind of a natural move.
I wish you and everyone around ‘e schöni wiehnacht’
I’ll tell you what, being a parent isn’t an easy gig. Nobody wants to hear stories about your kid and those with kids just want to talk up their own child. Please give us parents a break because our kids lives are a rather large component of our lives.
Oh, the above paragraph should be taken with a grain of salt. I’m sleepy and perhaps a bit hostile.
I really love the new layout. You’ve got a cozy space on the internet and I’d be willing bet your real home is a fun place too. Happy Holidays!
Hey Egan, no one is saying that parenting isn’t an easy gig. But if you are talking with someone that is not a parent, then just be sensitive of that fact. That’s it! My work is a large component of my life but I don’t go yammering on about it to people who are not in my field because I know that they are not interested in the details. And I don’t get offended by that.
You knew I had to pipe in on your comment.
Eric1313: Well said. The holiday season can be bittersweet for some, even though it’s just a period that will eventually pass. Thankfully there’s Vodka…
EM: Thank you! I thought I’d dress up the blog in baubles and let snow fall on my beach!
You new best friends are related to mine, Vodka with fresh lime and soda water. Else a dry Vodka Martini, with an olive, of course!
Actually, I don’t. Most people talk about them for 5-10 minutes then move on. This group has no lives but their children, who incidentally are not babies either. Talking about my nephews to them usually elicits a grunt or two. I just Vodka and bear it.
Zen: And see how it has evolved over time? I wonder if it meant wearing a tie as well.
Zen: I agree with you on the “Black tie optional.” The mere mention of it says that it is expected, and if you don’t, everyone will notice. I just wish people would be more specific in their requirements, and have one dress code for both men and women. Asking women to dress up and men to dress down looks wrong.
Die Muräne: That would have been quite a change from colder climates.
I wonder what it would be like to spend Christmas, say in the tropics, on an island, with 35C heat. I don’t think it would feel the same.
And a happy Christmas to you too
Egan: Nobody is disputing that. My two nephews, both under 3, are a handful yet their parents manage to hold good conversations that don’t revolve about them all the time. I bet you’d be the same, you’d talk about Baby Singe then make other conversation. The people in this post have teenage kids, no lives, and are generally boring company. Their child(ren) may be a major component of their life, but if it bores someone to tears then the parents should take note. I wouldn’t bore them with an endless conversation about the technicalities of my work particularly at a semi-formal adult Christmas dinner.
But if you’re suggesting non-parents should make allowances for parents just because they are parents who find it tough, then I disagree. We all have our issues.
Oh, and that last bit should be taken with coarse sea salt. Preferably on a rimmed glass, full of Margarita. Here, I’ll make you one, a Cléa special!
Glad my little spot in cyberspace makes you feel cosy. In my home, you’d feel just as relaxed and welcome. And spoilt.
EM: My sentiments exactly. If someone doesn’t share a major part of my life, I wouldn’t force it upon them. I’d expect the same. Besides, even with my adorable nephews, there’s only so much nappy and vomit talk I can stand. And I love them to bits.
Okay, but Cléa and EM your nieces and nephews are family so you have much to chat about with your family that isn’t about kids. Sometimes when you’re in a social setting and someone says “how are you?”. Typically the first thing that pops in my head is how my child has been and then you try to think about yourself. It’s not easy.
Yeah, you’re right though. I don’t think I’m like that, but I see how it can happen. I don’t want to be one of those parents who never lets their kid out of their sight and knows all their minute happenings. Being a parent is about letting a child grow by experiencing the world. Cozy is right, sea salt or not.
Egan: That’s true about family, but also with friends, remember there is a shared history. With this group of people I mention, there’s also something called making an effort. Which clearly they do not do.
The bottom line goes like this. If a friend always talks about xyz and I have no interest in xyz beyond a few minutes, the friendship won’t last. xyz doesn’t have to be about children.
Three salt-rimmed Margaritas coming right up.
What the … ? smart casual??? … well, how lame is that!
Gah, don’t get me started on my beef w/parents who want to beguile with stories of their brats. Oh, my eyes roll just with the thought. lol
The Xmas lunch with friends sounds like fun, tho! weee! =)
Burn those candles, girl… while having a nice, relaxing bubble bath with a bottle of bubbly!
Really liked the way you used carols with this post — very creative!
And the last Absolut pic… yummmmmmm! He would only look better if I wrapped him up in xmas lites. lol
LB: Next year I’ll turn up dressed as the guys, ugh…
Yes, I’ve read your views on that subject and we have lots in common. I have a time limit before I can’t pretend to be interested.
Now that’s a thought. Burn the candles and have a bath with bubbly. Any excuse to drink this holiday season!
I’ll let you wrap him in lights… so I can unwrap him…
Got it!
Egan: Must have been the salt on the Margarita…