Cléa
As a follow up to this post, anger is also rampant in the interwebs. People hide behind a mask of invisibility, an anon persona, a grandiose moniker, just waiting for the chance to pounce at others, cut them down to size or push them out of the way.
Anyone who has been blogging for some time is likely to have encountered trolls and flame wars. In this case, I am referring to another medium where more often than not, human behaviour rears its ugliest head.
I have never liked Public forums. What is supposed to be a place for asking/providing assistance or resolving support issues becomes a cowardly avenue for flaming others at the first possible chance. Just like kids in the school yard.
I remain as distant as possible from such infantile word wars yet forums become a necessary evil when seeking support. Imagine a newbie male asking for help configuring his wifi modem firewall and the barrage of talk-downs that ensue. Think of a budding writer asking for an opinion on dialogue or phrase construction, and the insults to the tune of “if you don’t know you shouldn’t be a writer”. Or holier-than-thou forum spammers who respond to a question by offering “Google it or do a forum search idiot” without giving thread details. And there are those who believe they are laudable and display superiority complexes for everyone to see, then withhold knowledge.
I have wondered what kind of cowardly person hides behinds a screen ready to dish out insults, until I met such person. An ex-colleague was never quick with the Alt-Tab keys and I have caught him frequently replying to forums with his screen minimised. He intimated on more than one occasion that people get a thrill out of creating and participating in mini wars. After observing his behaviour for a while, it clicked into place. He was a man very much under the thumb at home and all that repressed freedom and anger began to manifest in other ways that impacted his work. He fitted the bill for a flame war veteran, and not a casualty.
But there are exceptions. A few years ago I was an active participant in a sensitive forum. It was strictly moderated and we all felt comfortable enough to contact admin at the first signs of antagonism. That space was an oasis of support and understanding from a group of people on the same difficult path, and it worked very well.
In fact, that early experience paved the way for anonymous friendships that crossed the line between the virtual and real. It was before blogging was commonplace and everyone gave it all and was rewarded in return. Those people were the angels that kept one another sane and didn’t deserve what life had handed to them. Other forums could learn a learn lot from that experience.
Pity it takes human suffering to bring out the best in people.
Tags: anger, cbmused, cowards, flame wars, internet forums, online anonymity
Whoooo… am I firkst??? We’ll see!!!
I’m part of a forum that moderates itself. A place where stupidity, bigotry and prejudice is regulated and people of all factions of life come together to talk about the things they want to talk about. What I love is that the moderators are there to enforce what we really can’t do or just remove spam. The rest of it depends on us to entertain or humour, rebutt or condemn. I’m amazed by how civil things can be at the most sensitive of topics. I’m glad that I’m part of things like that.
As for trolls and flamers. Well…some people never grow up. Bully for them. There is always the ignore button, even in life.
OK, now I can actually reply to the post.
I am sure people could write books on forums from any number of angles, in fact, there’s enough stuff going on in any typical forum to structure an entire Uni psych subject on… but I digress…
I am an irregular participant in two forums, one pretty well known in the IT sector, and another leisure related. It’s interesting noting the differences and similarities – for a start, the IT one is full of Comic Book guys, and the Leisure one full of testosterone and aggro men. I once saw some poor chick wade into the leisure one, and she was eaten alive in about 5 minutes. It was quite horrible to watch… like she was wriggling in quicksand and just sinking further with each reply. There are a few girls though who have managed to push through and establish themselves, and they give as good as they get – but it needn’t be so hostile in the first place.
You can probably imagine that I am fairly diplomatic and neutral in the forum environment, and you’d be mostly right. I stay away from the “touchy” subjects and prickly characters, and actually try and help people who are genuinely after advice and assistance. Recently though I was unable to bite my tongue when one individual insisted on spruiking pseudoscientific mumbo jumbo to flog his shoddy product. While I don’t get off on arguing with idiots like that, I feel someone has to alert people to fraudulaent claims… especially where money is concerned! I have also been on a couple of more tightly regulated forums where people are less anon and more accountable ( industry related ), and the environment there is completely different. Probably more like the support ones you referred to.
I’ve also met a couple of people IRL who’s postings I have read on forums first – but they were pretty much the same IRL… in a good way! I have been repeatedly harassed to have forums on two of my websites, but apart from the antisocial behaviuor you mention, there’s also too many risks in terms of lible and defamation. I don’t have the money to defend myself from legal action when someone posts “so and so is a kiddy fiddler” and 5 people see it before a mod deletes it…
I use comment moderator on my site after I discovered I had a stalker who has written, or attempted to post, both hate and love letters. It all goes into the special folder (approaching 200) I have saved in the event he posts one more time a physical threat to my blogger friends. Friends is a strong word, but in a certain definition some of my posts are responded to by like minded people. I Blog because I am to tired to read, to tired to talk, just a working stiff who likes to vent.
I am not blogging for a e-harmony experience but I am not adverse to the idea of woman seeking me out for some sort of acronym for I ♥ you with no strings attached, I have ♥ you freely papers signed by three reputable doctors specializing in STD’s.
Truth be told I have made a number of friends along the way, I have not met one, but I do have mutual friends with some which is interesting when they ask me how I know such and such…
Forums, I do not join clubs/forums as a rule because for some reason there are always people int the group that degrade you the best they can. I spoke with my buddy Roscoe who dropped out of the Studebaker Club (innocuous one would think) because he was challenged every time he posted. So as he told me his point or post’s were a form of dissection and he just did not want this game in his life, life is way to short, for mind games.
Gboy: You are rightly… Gboy the First!!
Kami: To be honest, the idea has no appeal to me, unlike exchanging opinions on blogs. I only use forums for support issues and because I *have* to. And right you are about trolls and people not growing up. I’ve recently witnessed a word war among grown men, old enough to be grandfathers, but acting like 2 primary school boys.
Gboy: Interesting about the two, and how you mention the testosterone and aggro. Do these people get off on it? Go home and feel like a man because they told some anon person off? And if their lives thrives on it, how sad.
I have 3 words for these people: Get a life.
I too have seen females eaten alive in a ‘man’s world’. I’d rather give myself a man’s name if need be. And I didn’t realise there are risks of defamation etc on forums. But geez, apart from the experience I described, or the need to get support, I fail to see the attraction to such a volatile place.
JW: Sorry to hear about your stalker experience. The more I blog, the more I realise it’s almost a rite of passage to experience such anger out there. And it need not be.
What you describe with blog friends goes to show that the blog world is a small place after all. People know people, and reputations get formed. I think many of us true bloggers are no different in RL. I believe you can see through to someone nature.
“Life is way to short, for mind games. “ Well said. There is enough hostility and tension in day to day life. When we blog as a hobby, who needs that kind of ire?
People are stupid. There’s my bit of “wisdom” on the matter.
And how do I write on your wall!? Please don’t make fun of me in your reply.
EM: Agreed. I have no time for that.
Too funny!!
Click the ‘Have a Martini’ and a box opens. Type away then hit the Submit button. There… why can’t people on forums be that helpful?
Well I call it a forum because at its heart, it’s like it. It’s more of a part blog/part forum/part reddit. Forums are so 1999. This is the new age and a geek’s got to pass some time on his social calendar too you know.
I met one blogger. I think the fact that we had met only in writing made what would have been impossible possible. She was 13 years older than me, she lived in another town, and she was in completely different socio-economic stratum to say the least.
It was still one of the nicest nights I’ve ever spent.
Best to ignore them rather than feed their egos.
Kami: Ah, I see, a hybrid of sorts. But this geek will sit that one out.
Casey: Your story sounds like an unforgettable experience. Amazing how we can develop relationships with others through writing alone, and how come to relate to them on different levels in the absence of the physical. And as real as those friendships are, I can only imagine that meeting in person has consolidated the relationship.
Gorilla B: Absolutely. Though being subjected to their ire, even when directed at others is still annoying. I have no time for such egos.
There’s something about blogging which brings out the cowards. It’s too bad. I like the nice dialogue which can develop on blogs. Keep doing what you’re doing Clea.
egan: Blogging and forum’ing, and nobody is immune it seems to get everybody eventually. I’m not changing. My values don’t change whether I’m blogging or in my real life.
Well said, you’re a woman of utmost integrity.
egan: Thank you kindly Flamboyant Egan.
What are your thoughts on the word flamboyant? I’m guessing you like it or else you’d choose another word. Mot du jour! I got to get on that. Pas de quoi Cléa.
Egan: As I said in the post above, I love flamboyant and since I gave it to you it has become synonymous with Egan. Un mot de jour exceptionnel.
I followed you from Lil’ Bit. As someone new to blogging/matrix/electronic world/whatever I have experienced this somewhat. It has been dwarfed by the voluminious amount of support I have received.
Assholes are just assholes…this gives them one more curtain to hide behind…for awhile.
I have read your posts and love them (really wanted to comment on bonding…yeah, really, really wanted to
Thanks for giving me a chuckle and something to think about today.
dg
Dangergirl: Hello and welcome to my little space
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I agree on the whole. The good far outweighs the bad, and that’s what keeps us going. Unfortunately the bullies and assholes take something enjoyable and tarnish it for a while.
Thank you for taking a look around and for the kind words. Due to the volume of spam, I automatically disable comments on old posts BUT I have re-enabled them on Bonding , if you feel like leaving a comment.
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