Postcard to D
CBMUSED at 12:05 am Category: Postcards to the PastTags: cbmused, first love, postcards, Postcards to the Past
Dear Cléa
I was just thinking of you and all your cute ways and I thought I’d write and tell you. So many of your different habits and ideas make our relationship a really unique arrangement. I really don’t think I could imagine a girl like you if I tried. But by far the best thing about you is your love, which I have enjoyed for 16 months now. Who’d have thought we’d last through the many traumas we have survived! The secret is that we love each other and that alone makes anything bearable.
One day you may share with me all of the experiences detailed in the front of this card! I can see you now as a (snowball) determined skier, determined to stay away from the snow!! Well, I can only try.
All my love
D
xxxxx ->
* * * * * * * * * * *
Dear D
Your postcard touched me in so many ways, not in the least the surprise of finding it when I thought I had thrown away all your cards and letters.
“Unique arrangement” sounds like a mystery to me now. However, I can read the love in your words, and appreciate all the sentiments, even today. The fact that you praise my love is a beautiful validation, even in my present. I can see that I have not changed that much since we fell in love when we were both 18 years old.
16 months together…wow! Little we knew that they would turn into 4 years, that you’d propose on bended knee and we’d have a turbulent ending where we almost hated each other. But fear not, we’ll clear the air after our graduation with no hard feelings before you go your way and I go mine, content that we’ve made the right decision not to marry.
You speak of traumas, and I wonder what life has dealt you by now. I certainly had my fair share, just like the snowball you mention. I know you’ve tried to contact me a while back and after much effort you got there but somehow you didn’t pursue past the first email. I will always wonder why.
You were the first one I truly loved, as I was yours. We will always be each other’s first. Time and life events can never change that. I will always hold that place for you. And I’m sure you remember me today with equal fondness.
All my affection
Cléa
xxxxx ->
April 25th, 2008 at 12:54 am
I’m glad that you are able to write a response like this. And my favourite line? “But by far the best thing about you is your love,…” My inner romantic melts at this line.
April 25th, 2008 at 1:34 am
That is the single best reason to keep old correspondence for a while. Eventually the validation that you really did feel that way and it really was shared will live on with you.
If this was the new series, I like it already.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:20 am
I am loving this idea.
Very nice first post card. It has me wondering if I still have some letters/cards that conveyed similar feelings from past loves.
April 25th, 2008 at 4:03 am
“PS–I am glad I always carried some little blue pills in a secret compartment since you share my love letters with the whole world and would presumably have told the whole world if I had been unable to get a chubb. Plus, a ’snowball’ means something else in American slang so I probably would have re-thunked my choice of words if I had known you were going to publish it where those sex-obsessed perv’s could read it at their boring job, Love, D.”
April 25th, 2008 at 7:48 am
I’m gonna get addicted to this. Part autobiography… part reflection… with a side order of nostalgia. Great stuff! Reluctant skier noted ;). WAIT… you have a GARAGE??
April 25th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Wow…a snippet of your past life I’d never thought I’d see. I truly have no words for this because it was, it is part of you. I can only read it in silent appreciation and gratitude that you chose to share this with the rest of us.
April 25th, 2008 at 10:13 am
ALL: Please let me know if you’d like me to present this series consecutively or say, one postcard a week.
Sicilian: I admit it was that same line that got to me. It was like a voice had spoken to me from the past and reminded me of myself. D was very much a romantic, unafraid to express his feelings, and you’ve picked up on that
Casey: You’ve summed it up perfectly. Our memories can be selective and can alter some feelings and events, but when it’s there in front of you, it’s difficult to refute it.
Yes, that is the series. And I’m excited about sharing it.
GSR: Thanks!
I got ris of most things, many old letters and cards, and now I wish I hadn’t. They just didn’t seem to matter at the time I got rid of them. But looking back, well, maybe I should have kept them…
Zen:
PPS I knew somebody would pick up on that point but since I presented you in a good light, I didn’t think you’d mind. You never needed pills of any sort, and you certainly had no problem in, ahem…, that area but those big memories are best not shared with the world. As for snowball, once I’ve figured it out, I’ll let you know. I hope you’re not too bored at work. You’ve always loved it. Love. Cléa.
Gboy: Very much so… and part unknown. I won’t say anymore for now :).
I was a reluctant skier since I always ended up skiing on my backside! Garage? Oh yeah, previous post…
Kami: I wouldn’t have thought of sharing it either had it not been for finding the postcards. I think you’ll enjoy the rest of the series, but no more teasers for now :).
April 25th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I love what you’re doing with this series.
April 25th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
EM: Thanks for the support
April 25th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
1st love. . . . .I wonder about how you feel when you marry the 1st person you’ve ever truly been in love with as opposed to marrying one of many you have loved? I am in the former camp, and was curious.
Long time no see. Fitting that I should come comment on this post when I haven’t been in the blog-o-world for ever. . . . that I would stop here, 1st. On THIS post. . . . how appropo.
April 26th, 2008 at 2:12 am
PPPS–Here is a picture of me getting double-teamed by two hookers at the Mustang Ranch in Reno–just to show you I have “attained closure” and “moved on.”
Since we have both “attained closure,” I was wondering if you would mind if I called that hot friend of yours, Summer. You had to have noticed me always staring at her rack; that thing had its own gravitational force. I tried not to gawk but it was like asking a moon of Saturn not to orbit it…
But I never fantasized about her while we shagged…I thought you should know that, Summer…I mean…what was your name again??
I would tell you what a “snowball” is but I just had a BK Triple Whopper combo.
Rent the move, “Clerks.”
Love, D.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Spiffy: I don’t know, do you really need to have your heart broken so you can mature and develop so that the next time you fall in love, you’re just a little more rounded emotionally? And if you do marry your first, aren’t you going to wonder what it’s like with others later on in life? I don’t believe in young marriages, though I know some who’ve been happily together since they were 16.
Good to see you again. In fact, I was wondering about you last week.
Zen:
PPPS - The hookers look like they’re enjoying themselves without you, as for Summer, her rack is now to her belly after having twins. And I just found the snowball thing on YouTube. Thanks. I haven’t had breakfast yet!
Love, Cléa
April 26th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
In this case it is not important to be the first… in love it is always better to be the last !
April 27th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Sidney: OOh I love this comment! Welcome to the Martini Lounge
April 27th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
PPPS: You can go ahead and keep the espresso machine. You seemed to enjoy it more than I did anyway. Love, D.
April 27th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Zen Wizard:
PPPPS - I’m running out of Ps. As for the espresso machine, it broke and I replaced it with a shiny new model. Like life really. Love Cléa.
April 29th, 2008 at 4:49 am
Well, I said I married my 1st love, not my 1st lover. I was something of a male slut back in the day. I seemed to be always the one other people fell in love with, but never fell in love myself. I just figured I was broken on the inside (which, in a sense I was) and stopped thinking about it. I was not the “marrying kind” according to everyone I knew. I was nicknamed many things, one of which was Summer Vacation, usually Summer V or occassionally just Summer. So that whole Zen Wizard PPS conversation weirds me out a little) Summer V for “It’s fun to go, see the sites, experience the fun and thrills and do new things, but it’s all gonna end after a few months.”
I did find love at the ripe old age of 24 and we got married 2 years later. After 9 years, the thought of actually being with someone else kid of turns my stomach a little bit. . . . as does the thought of snowballs.
You were thinking good things I hope.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Spiffy: I guess that’s a little different than marrying the first lover. I ask haven’t we all met a Mr Summer V at some time, wished it could be more, but we knew deep down it wasn’t going to be? Or was it a case of leading them on to believe there could be more? As for the thought of being with somebody else now, fantasies are different to actually wanting to pursue anything, is it not?
I was hoping all was well with you and your absence was due to good things in life :).
May 3rd, 2008 at 2:51 am
No, they all knew up front that I was not going to be around for more than a few months. I suppose many thought that they’d be the “one” that I would fall for and therefore settle down. It’s a little iffy, I’m sure many of the women thought I was disingenuous, but the reality was that I treated them like a queen when I was with them and when I was with someone else, I treated them like they were a queen. If they made assumptions based on how well I treated them, then they were based on hopes and not affirmations. It’s all very complicated in a simple way.
Even the fantasies are less appealing than the reality of what I have. Different is not necessarily better, even in la la land.
Yes, mostly good things. Simplifying a few things in preparation for baby #2 to arrive.
May 4th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Spiffy: I think I get what you’re getting at, and I also understand that possibly part of you regrets some of it, but since you say today’s happiness and reality are better than anything else, then you know it was all for the best.
Congrats on baby#2, hope all goes well for the Spiffy family :).
May 9th, 2008 at 8:52 am
[…] dropped out and took a menial job. I also know that you secretly liked me but I was in love with D and you always respected that. I really liked you and thought my friend was an idiot for the way […]