Creative License
CBMUSED at 3:45 pm Category: Tongue in Cheek, WritingTags: blog to book, cbmused, creative license, editorials, publications, spam, Writing
Blogs provide a medium for the self-expression of individuals who are writers, wannabe writers and would-be writers. Who among us, if given half a chance would not make the blog to book progression? I’m no different. I have a couple of writing projects under my metaphorical belt, and two other ideas looming in the background once the current work in progress reaches the next milestone.
Yet the satisfaction of seeing my name in print or following in revered footsteps would only provide meagre rewards. What would make me leave my day job for a paid writing career is the burning desire to pen my creativity for money, to see my name next to flashy headlines and words strung together like these…
to give spell check the old heave-ho…
to connect serious photographs to stereotypical headlines…
and to offer my creative services to produce spam emails like these…
Yet I can do better.
I can create an editorial from the spam snippets above, sell it to a reputable publication and make a killing.
3 More Inches of Fire in Crotch Shot at 3 Meters
By Cléa B. Mused
April, 15, 2008 02:37 amA man in his thirties has reported that he has successfully shot fire in his crotch at close range. Joaquim (not his real name) never agreed to feel like a loser. He had the burning desire to feel more connected to the person. His only hindrance was that his little soldier was three inches too short and he never gave his partner the experience she deserves. He felt it was his duty, to feel his male superiority grow in inches, to become more attractive to the ladies(!) sic, and give them more force and super-dimension to rock their socks off, if indeed socks turned them on.
So he took the plunge and clicked on the link in his email box. And finally, he was able to release the fire in his crotch.
“I blew her mind!” Joaquim said in an exclusive interview to this publication. “She saw the fire in my eyes when I told her that I can shoot 3 meters!”
It was a true godsend to his little soldier of love.
After all, how hard can it be?
Credits: Screen captures of the quotations are taken from their sources but not referenced. The article in blockquote is my original work.
April 15th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Have you ever thought about the people who answer these e-mails? I’d like to see one of them interviewed.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!
“Never agree to be a loser”
OK! I refuse to sign that contract!!
Hey you know what would be funny Cléa? Send that off a press release through one of the many free press release websites… then in 2 weeks google a passage and see where it turns up!!!
April 15th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
further proof that writing is a dying art. Save it!!!
April 15th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Gorilla B: I have trouble believing people still fall for these scams. Imagine the interviewer asking what made the guy buy 3 more inches. Er… to shoot at 3 meters!
Gboy: It says never agree, it doesn’t mean the person isn’t! It’s in the fine print
You think it would work? I wonder what google hits I’ll be getting on this piece!
Andy: It’s a sad world when we have to resort to such measures that do nothing but lower our standards. We’ve got to fight to keep morale up.
And you should have that on a Tshirt!
April 16th, 2008 at 4:52 am
That’s pretty funny.
The level of email spam that regards, in some fashion, penile enhancement is overwhelming.
There truly are a lot of soldiers out there who are perceived to be diminutive in size.
After watching that Dateline special, I just hope what the poor stiff that orders it GETS is actually Extenze or something halfway legitimate–or at the very least, innocuous–and not something coated with paint thinner in China somewhere.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:13 am
Is “shooting 3 meters” really something that impresses the ladies? If so - I am waaaaay out of touch with the dating scene.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:15 am
Because clearly spell/grammar check is not on my list of things to do for impressing the ladies…. Please insert a “that” after the word “something” in my previous comment.
April 16th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Zen Wizard: It’s the equivalent of beauty and fashion advertising that make a woman feel less of a woman if she doesn’t use certain products; both attack vulnerabilities. Mind you, spam has been getting creative of late, which is why I showed the excerpts.
On a similar note, if these soldiers are perceived as small by their owners, I wonder how much of that is influenced by the proliferation of sex blogs and the ease of availability of pr0n on the internet. Men start to question if they’re really on par with others. Interesting thought.
Justin: Of course! Get with the times!
Kidding of course… Are most men good at cleaning up after themselves? That’s your answer.
Justin: Grammar is most impressive, so it correct spelling. But I didn’t even notice it was missing. But I’ve corrected it now in italics.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:49 am
You are awesome. That is all.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I’d so hate to see your talents go wasted
April 16th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
EM: For writing spam editorials? Thank you !
Jay: It’s like I’m selling my soul!
Welcome, and thank you for your visit.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
So… YOU are the one sending me all those spam mails !?
April 16th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Make money out of spam not by writing them but by writing about them. Genius!
Of course, the crotch shot does have a certain pull to it, in more ways than one.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Sidney: Well, you do like my writing!
Kami: Yep. If you can’t beat them, write about them!
And when ‘poetic’ spam started showing up, hey I can do better!