Monday Morning in the Office
CBMUSED at 9:32 am Category: GeneralTags: cbmused, monday morning office chit-chat, weekends, work
“How was your weekend?”
As you ease yourself into the working week with the Monday morning office small talk dissecting the weekend’s events like a post-mortem, spare a thought for your fellow workers who have to put up with the drivel.
“Great! I went out on Friday night…. what a hangover…”
“…the kids were both sick, throwing up all night…”
“…quiet one at home with hubby, in bed by 9…”
“… my 2 year old did this huge poo in the middle of the night and woke us up…”
I. Don’t. Give. A. Damn.
While it might be an ice breaker to start the week, after just a few minutes it often degenerates into inane chit-chat and an unwelcome distraction. Just let me get to my desk (with my coffee) and get on with work. Or else I’ll tell you about…
Sipping cocktails at a trendy bar overlooking the water…
Wrapping my mouth around delectable morsels of food at a two-hatted restaurant…
Finishing the meal with an Armagnac so good it brings tears to your eyes…
The inexorably long taxi ride home, sitting close in the back seat….
The mind-blowing sex afterwards…
Still want to tell me about body fluids and bowel movements?
So… how was your weekend?
March 10th, 2008 at 10:20 am
I worked all weekend. I work tomorrow. I have not had Armagnac in years and in the morning I am, coffee. get work done then if I feel a bit ahead I can chit chat. My routine is to immediately state how much work I have to do ( I am sure co-workers know this routine) so I can get away from the distractions. Another good technique a friend taught me is to state in an outside voice ” I cry when mommie drinks”. So thats all I have for now. Thanks JW
March 10th, 2008 at 10:35 am
So let me make sure I understand this: If I tell you about body fluids and/or bowel movements you will tell me about the different bullet points that you have listed above? Consider me so excited that I pissed my pants. Now your turn. Go.
p.s. Can the words “wrapping my mouth around” ever be used in a way that isn’t hot? Well done.
March 10th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Hi, Clea.
Yes, how much nicer to be left alone with thoughts of one’s own weekend (when its been good, or even worth remembering)
than to be assaulted with stories of infant poo and the like…
I had some good Armagnac at the Salon de l’agriculture in Paris last year. Probably too much good Armagnac, in fact. But I
wouldn’t tell that story on a Monday morning…
March 10th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
JW: I’m like you. Let me get on with it, after a quick hello, but don’t hijack my time. Oh and I’m quite feral if I haven’t had my coffee. I’ll have to remember your trick… so I can just watch their faces!
GSR: you pissed your pants?! before I told you my story?! Better go and get changed then. I don’t talk to boys in wet pants!
PS Dunno. Can you wrap your mouth around “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”?
PPS Thanks!
Hello Simon: oh yes! Especially when they’re wicked thoughts best not shared…
Mmm… swoon over the Armagnac! I have a story of my own to tell soon. Maybe we can share, but not a Monday morning…
March 10th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Quiet weekend punctuated with bouts of pleasurable interludes and welcomed wake up calls. Short of work to complete and a croaking voice to deal with, that’s my weekend.
Of course, I would love to be dining in style, sipping cocktails and wine, enjoying everything and nothing. So do I want to hear about bowel movements of people I don’t really know?
I’d. Rather. Be. Somewhere. Else.
March 10th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I thought I needed to tell you about a bodily fluid before you would share your story…. I’m all changed. Go.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Oh I hate talk of bowel movements!
My weekend was relaxing and great … that time change thought it could steal an hour from me? Ha! I slept in for TWO hours! MUAHAHAHA!
March 10th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Kami: Sounds very relaxing, even those wake up calls.
“Bowel movements of people I don’t really know” puts it all into perspective, doesn’t it… Actually, even from people I know, I don’t want to hear it!
GSR: Aren’t you worried that by the time I’m done, you might need to change again?
I know I’m going to hell for this
EM: Lucky you! I wish I could get more sleep. And what is it with parents of young children who feel compelled to share their crap… pun intended!
March 10th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
You’re lucky in a way because you’re not in a position where it’s part of your job description. I don’t really want to go around telling people I spent the day going THROUGH people’s bowel movements.
Days like that…I really need those wake up calls.
March 10th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
I took a train ride through Metro Manila… a very depressing train journey along squatter areas and war zone like landscapes…
Now tell me about that mind-blowing sex…
March 10th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
this is why I always keep it to
“great thanks!” or “pretty crappy thanks!”
which pretty much makes me more blokey than any bloke that ever lived but I agree with you: When it comes to weekends of co-workers/people I don’t even like, I don’t actually give a damn unless they a) met someone famous b) killed someone c) killed someone famous d) were kidnapped by aliens. Unless they’re actually a friend I don’t give a damn either.
March 10th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Yes, there’s no excuse for boasting about your bowel movements. Just enjoy whatever sensual pleasure you get from shitting and move on to the next thing.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Not so sure, Kami. Some day at work it feels like I’m going through their crap and fixing it! Not that it says so in my job description either!
Sidney: That must feel so sad. I’ve seen the images where you convey life as it is in the Philippines and it must be heart-breaking when it’s your home and you’re surrounded by it.
As for the mind-blowing sex, it.blows.minds. And I better save that for another post…
I must be like you Mez. Brief words that don’t allow much discussion but I end up sucked into their stories. I don’t have time or patience for small talk. Is that so bad?
Gorilla B: I can’t say anything to top up your brilliant comment. It had me in hysterics, which means it has to go in the Martini Lounge. I hope apes enjoy the odd drink!
March 11th, 2008 at 1:34 am
- Led a commando attack on the Trading Spaces show
- I invented something really impressive that will make me lots of money and enable me to say things like “It keeps the rain off our heads” when referring to my mansion. My wife, of course, will be popping pills and vodka while constantly rolling her eyes and bitching at the servants. My kids will be useless.
- Went trout fishing. When I was on the shore, I found a nice hot dog. “Hey, a hot dog!” I said, picking it up and taking a nibble. Next thing I knew I was being pulled into the water by my mouth.
- Landed on the moon. Oddly, the moon looked a lot like my driveway.
- Saw 10,000 BC. Number of belly laughs at the ridiculous logic: 17.
March 11th, 2008 at 4:05 am
My weekend was exactly like yours!
I will keep telling myself this until it is true.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:40 am
I worked on my model airplanes and then curled up with the California Penal Code and pretty much read that until the Unisom kicked in.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:39 am
The mind-blowing sex afterwards…
Ahhh…. so good then? LOL
Just let me get to my desk (with my coffee) and get on with work.
Cléa you are SUCH an a-type!!!
No, seriously, I relate all too well having worked in Government. People seem to look for any opportunity to kill time… but they think they are the only one dribbling on to you for 10 minutes about something you find breathtakingly dull. Then there’s the next one… and the next one…
At the same time though, I try and at least *pretend* to take an interest, and make appropriate “oooh” and “wow” noises when various people relate the scores of various sports I can’t stand.
One day though, I would just love to relate some fictional chess tournament I watched on the weekend, move by move, and give them a taste of what it’s like!
March 11th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Jarod: Can I come and work with you? Or better still, can you come to my workplace and blast my coworkers with these gems?
Peefer: If you write it down 100 times, it’s bound to be true
Zen: Curling up with the penal code doesn’t sound like it would keep you cosy. I hope you had a good drop of wine or Scotch with it!
Gboy: An A-type, am I?? Then you tell me about the mind blowing sex!
Ugh… I’m not good at pretending, and when Male A starts about kids vomit to Male B who talks about poo at 2 am, and both relate their story to everyone around, please kill me now. Chess sounds good to get back at them. You have to sound very animated like they do. Dropping someone about sex always brings out the silence. Instantaneously.