Comments on: The Heart of the Matter http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/ Living the Martini Life Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:36:32 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: Cléa http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-688 Cléa Mon, 10 Mar 2008 10:01:51 +0000 http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-688 You're right about that <b>Mez</b>. She has been through some emotional turmoil in her life, and although none of it has been relationship-centric, it can have flow on effects and parallels which would equip her to deal with <i> some</i> of it. The mind fuck you mention is the difficult part. Although she's way too careful and dismissive of most guys (the live at home with mummy losers I mentioned), I have been privy to some of it through her discussions with me, and I've had to intervene at times and give her a reality check. But none of these encounters have progressed to more than a second date, and rightly so. But when/if it happens with someone decent, I'd hate for her to blow it with someone decent. You’re right about that Mez. She has been through some emotional turmoil in her life, and although none of it has been relationship-centric, it can have flow on effects and parallels which would equip her to deal with some of it. The mind fuck you mention is the difficult part. Although she’s way too careful and dismissive of most guys (the live at home with mummy losers I mentioned), I have been privy to some of it through her discussions with me, and I’ve had to intervene at times and give her a reality check. But none of these encounters have progressed to more than a second date, and rightly so. But when/if it happens with someone decent, I’d hate for her to blow it with someone decent.

]]> By: mez http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-686 mez Mon, 10 Mar 2008 09:25:18 +0000 http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-686 you know I was thinking about the emotional side after I read your piece and I've come to the conclusion that everyone's inexperienced emotionally in some way. I mean there are many ways to get your heart broken and there are many ways to fall in love. There are so many ways to experience heartache and loss and also joy I don't think that someone who has had bazillions of relationships has all the knowledge about that either. So many people are emotional fuckwits when it comes to relationships anyway. I don't know her but I doubt she's inexperienced emotionally, she might have been through highs and lows in her heart in other ways - hell there are KIDS I know who have been through more than a lot of adults I know, emotionally speaking - but what I *do* think she might not be ready for is the mind fuck (as opposed to the other kind) that often (unfortunately) goes on in relationships. That whole - what the hell is he THINKING? thing. oh boy. you know I was thinking about the emotional side after I read your piece and I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone’s inexperienced emotionally in some way. I mean there are many ways to get your heart broken and there are many ways to fall in love. There are so many ways to experience heartache and loss and also joy I don’t think that someone who has had bazillions of relationships has all the knowledge about that either. So many people are emotional fuckwits when it comes to relationships anyway. I don’t know her but I doubt she’s inexperienced emotionally, she might have been through highs and lows in her heart in other ways - hell there are KIDS I know who have been through more than a lot of adults I know, emotionally speaking - but what I *do* think she might not be ready for is the mind fuck (as opposed to the other kind) that often (unfortunately) goes on in relationships. That whole - what the hell is he THINKING? thing. oh boy.

]]> By: Cléa http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-673 Cléa Sun, 09 Mar 2008 21:06:25 +0000 http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-673 That's a good point <b>Mez</b>. Way too much emphasis that is something which is not anybody's business. She needs what every girl needs, with a little dash of understanding, remembering she hasn't had her heart broken ever, and she is emotionally inexperienced. That’s a good point Mez. Way too much emphasis that is something which is not anybody’s business. She needs what every girl needs, with a little dash of understanding, remembering she hasn’t had her heart broken ever, and she is emotionally inexperienced.

]]> By: mez http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-671 mez Sun, 09 Mar 2008 13:03:19 +0000 http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-671 I really hope she finds someone who is worthy of her and doesn't make her feel alienated. She definitely needs someone who is charmed by her situation, sensitive to her needs and finds her irresistible. Hm, sounds like what every girl needs actually - funny that! hehe. She might not be so 'different' after all - even if people do act shocked by her virginity. I think we probably place an unnecessary emphasis on sexual expertise these days. You'd think people were born "de-flowered" the way we all make such a fuss about people who aren't. I really hope she finds someone who is worthy of her and doesn’t make her feel alienated. She definitely needs someone who is charmed by her situation, sensitive to her needs and finds her irresistible. Hm, sounds like what every girl needs actually - funny that! hehe. She might not be so ‘different’ after all - even if people do act shocked by her virginity. I think we probably place an unnecessary emphasis on sexual expertise these days. You’d think people were born “de-flowered” the way we all make such a fuss about people who aren’t.

]]> By: Roast Beef Wrap with Mixed Greens and Blue Cheese | BeMused http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-651 Roast Beef Wrap with Mixed Greens and Blue Cheese | BeMused Fri, 07 Mar 2008 00:56:19 +0000 http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-651 [...] « The Heart of the Matter Mar 07 2008 [...] [...] « The Heart of the Matter Mar 07 2008 [...]

]]> By: Cléa http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-650 Cléa Thu, 06 Mar 2008 22:43:53 +0000 http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-650 <b>Zen:</b> Oh my… what a sight for sore eyes, to wake up to those images of male body perfection. Hawt!!! <b>Jarod:</b> Being the type of girl she is, I agree that by the time it would come up, they would have a close bond. I truly hope she would get there some day soon, as it is her wish. <b>Egan:</b> I see. That’s possible too, if he’s not into commitment of a sort. I doubt she’d find that kind of person attractive as a potential partner for a start. Actually, I said my friend and I shared the same name of one parent. Je m’appelle Cléa. You know that! :D <b>Felix:</b> I’m liking this idea a lot, putting herself in situations that would boost her confidence and give her a chance to meet people. Unfortunately, at present, parental obligations make it difficult. But hopefully these will improve soon and she can make time for herself. Zen: Oh my… what a sight for sore eyes, to wake up to those images of male body perfection. Hawt!!!

Jarod: Being the type of girl she is, I agree that by the time it would come up, they would have a close bond. I truly hope she would get there some day soon, as it is her wish.

Egan: I see. That’s possible too, if he’s not into commitment of a sort. I doubt she’d find that kind of person attractive as a potential partner for a start.

Actually, I said my friend and I shared the same name of one parent. Je m’appelle Cléa. You know that! :D

Felix: I’m liking this idea a lot, putting herself in situations that would boost her confidence and give her a chance to meet people. Unfortunately, at present, parental obligations make it difficult. But hopefully these will improve soon and she can make time for herself.

]]> By: Felix for Zosia http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-649 Felix for Zosia Thu, 06 Mar 2008 21:31:18 +0000 http://www.cbmused.com/2008/03/05/the-heart-of-the-matter/#comment-649 I know of a couple of situations where the details are very different, but "the heart of the matter" is very similar to this one. And I think the comment about doing things not related to dating but out of her comfort zone is brilliant advice. Not only will the eagle eye parents be happier with their daughter going to cooking classes or learning a language or rock climbing etc, but she will grow in confidence, have some fun and maybe get her mind off feeling down about herself. PLUS, she will meet people - having a life full of wonderful friends can only make you feel good about yourself and your life, and the more friends she has, the more likely it is that she will meet someone who could be more than a friend. Sounds like a win-win-win to me. I know of a couple of situations where the details are very different, but “the heart of the matter” is very similar to this one. And I think the comment about doing things not related to dating but out of her comfort zone is brilliant advice. Not only will the eagle eye parents be happier with their daughter going to cooking classes or learning a language or rock climbing etc, but she will grow in confidence, have some fun and maybe get her mind off feeling down about herself. PLUS, she will meet people - having a life full of wonderful friends can only make you feel good about yourself and your life, and the more friends she has, the more likely it is that she will meet someone who could be more than a friend. Sounds like a win-win-win to me.

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